Slicked Down Drunken Cruise
by Kenneth Black
Summary: Short one-shot of no plot, just something that Makoto and Ami have to deal with when Rei booked them in a three-room ocean cruise. Slight innuendo and mixed pairings ahead.


A/N: Ever notice how oil and butter feel on your hands when you knead something? AWESOME! . Cleaning out a newly-used Crisco bottle is cool, too!

Disclaimer: Ami and Makoto have. . . indulged. . . ^^. Naoko Takeuchi is still the great creator of Sailor Moon and their characters and settings.

_**Slicked Down Drunken Cruise**_

_'Mako-chan... GET OFF OF ME!'_

Green eyes flew open, startled and confused when someone's fierce growl woke the woman up. Flailing around like a fish out of water, Makoto Kino jerked off the bed when a pair of cold, slimy hands traveled down the front of her shirt.

"EEEEEEYYAAAAGHH!"

She had the distinct sensation of falling, then- *THUD*

"Ow."

". . . You awake now, Mako-chan?"

Grumbling her displeasure, the woman on the ground drew her right hand up to rub the back of her head, the usual ponytail free of its reins. Half-heartedly stretching, Makoto grimaced when something popped in her back and she felt an ache subside.

"A-Ami? What're you doing in my. . . er. . . hammock?"

That last part came out as a squeak. A pathetic, incoherent squeak that made her sound like an embarrassed teen. Well, it was true, both parts were. But. . .

"Mako-chan. Mako-chan! Look at me. We're on a cruise, remember? As in. . . um, well, it was kind of Rei-chan's accident, she booked us for three sets of rooms, and it's kind of a couple's lesbian cruise, but all in all, the service- er, drinks and stuff, they're not spiked bad and they actually taste good- *hic*!"

The light coming from the bottom slit in the door wasn't much to go by, but Makoto could tell from the rolling feeling in the pit of her stomach she wasn't on land.

Judging by Ami's hand resting comfortably on her stomach before she'd landed on the deck floor, Makoto reasoned she was pretty much near her element to make her so loose around her, which meant they were on water.

The ocean.

*crea-a-ak*

The ship gave a lilting lurch, and Makoto about heaved her last night's dinner onto her shoes when she tried to roll to her feet. Above her came the odd sounds of delighted moans, and her face blushed red.

"I swear, Pyro's gonna get it when I get my hands on her-!"

"Now, now, Mako-chan, since *hic* Rei-chan's no' here, why not get yer *hick* hands on me fer a change, eh?"

Makoto stared up at her friend, the lights coming from underneath the door giving Ami a wierd flickering. The genius girl's lips were pursed, and even in the dark she could tell Ami had had a little bit too much to drink.

She cursed Minako when she remembered the blonde had enthusiastically pumped them full of hard liquor, the kind specifically designed for men when they were in death-pains and wanted to die.

Well, judging by the major hangover Ami was going to have when she sobered up in the morning, yes, she would want to die.

"*groan* Ami-chan, scootch over. We need to go to bed, and you're going to be dead tired in the morning."

"YAAY! Mako-chan's going to sleep with me?"

Pausing before she heaved herself up, Makoto groaned again. She should have seen that one coming, she left herself wide open, using an innocent innuendo like that. Sighing, she rolled into the hammock and muttered a small apology when she rolled on top of Ami.

Heat curled up into the pit of her stomach, and she sighed.

Her insane libido did not have the right to pop up right now, since she was half as drunk as Ami and she was dead tired. She loved dear sweet Ami to death, but right now was not the time to go and tell the other girl she was savagely in love with her and would rip any other idiot bunnies' head off if they came a mile close to her with the thoughts of proposal set in their idiot minds.

Shrugging off the groping hand that wandered over her stomach, Makoto sighed again and yelped as she burrowed her face into the hammock.

Some ocean cruise.

If anyone survived the actual voyage doing x-rated things in their own rooms, then they'd survive it with a ton of lash marks to their butts and bellies, given the positions they'd be in and the uncomfortable 'bed'.

If they weren't doing x-rated things, then, well, they suffered the same fate.

Aww, damn-!

Ami's hands were becoming something of an electric whip, running over her chest and belly, because Makoto was having the hardest time breathing. It was not fair, the way Ami was whispering things to her like that, snuggling into her side and nuzzling her neck.

Aww, hell. .! Why didn't Usagi or Rei take Ami for a bed-mate in their own rooms, huh? Then Makoto remembered. Flipping her messy hair out of her face irritably, Makoto humphed and rolled onto her side, away from the affectionate drunk.

*sigh*

Minako had come with Setsuna, and damned if she was, was probably one of the couples actually doing x-rated intercourse in her cabin and was currently screaming her lungs out in pleasure. That, or the seagulls had found new prey.

At two in the morning, in rolling thunder and lightning and rain, she didn't think so.

Rei, now, she was with Usagi, probably snoring her own head off, since she'd drank twice as much as Ami had. It was pretty funny, considering Rei hadn't really been very good at holding her own at drinking, but it sure made good video footage when she'd dared Usagi to do some table dancing.

When their odango-bunned princess demanded her fire senshi get up and join her, well, it was a major bonus, with Rei scowling fiercely, her face all red but enjoying herself nonetheless.

And that left them.

*sigh*

Ami and Mako, swingin' 'tween a tree. . . S-L-E-E-P-ing, first comes hugs, then comes bleariness, then comes the surprise after the dream sequence image!

Okay, so it didn't rhyme.

Whatever.

But it sure as heck explained their situation in a pinch. OUCH! Speaking of pinch, Ami had just shucked her shirt and was pinching Makoto's leg between hers, rolling around and snoring like a buzz saw.

Makoto hated to do it, she really did, but- SHE STOLE Mr. Pie away from Ami.

Mr. Pie was the one thing Ami could not stand to be without when sleeping, and she'd seen firsthand an Ami at night, precisely 12:02 in the morning, bawling her eyes out and going into a rage fit for a bull since Usagi had accidentally kicked it out of her arms at a sleepover.

Mr. Pie was a blue-ice polar bear.

The bawling and rage would be better than all this underhanded drunken groping, though.

Sure enough, Makoto waited- and Ami stayed sound asleep.

What the heck?

Checking around the room to see if someone was playing a joke on her and this was NOT Ami next to her, the cute genius-girl of her dreams and fantasies, and instead an emotionless cyborg, Makoto shivered.

Why was Ami not waking up and crying her eyes out, she was still snoring lightly into her ear, Makoto didn't know. Sighing, she frowned and turned into the bear hug Ami had around her neck. Even drunk, her love was a cute fuzzy female, spicy-smelling instead of stale, and she smelled curiously like peppermint. . .

"Mako-chan, do I really not make a convincing drunk?"

Makoto gaped.

Ami grinned up at her underneath her chin, her tongue stealing out to slide gently against her neck. She groaned, noting the feel of lovely hands splaying against her sides, tickling her ribs.

"Y-You make a horrible drunk, A-Ami-chan, I even stole Mr. Pie and you didn't notice."

"Well, since I had you to snuggle with, it wasn't really that hard. The only reason I cried the first time was because someone had slipped a red ant into my futon- and I'll bet Mr. Pie himself it was Minako. I think she wanted me to jump out of bed and get into yours, she was so angry I didn't tell you I-"

Makoto blinked when Ami cut herself off sharply, blushing and inching closer into her. It felt nice, she did admit, and when the blue-haired genius sighed, she smiled and snuggled closer still.

"You what, Ami-chan?"

Outside the ship seemed to rock like a cradle, and something in the cabin warmed. Makoto had the distinct feeling of warmth sliding on her neck, then getting hotter, hotter-

"OW!"

"M-Mako-chan! Are you ok?"

She fell out of the hammock for the second time that night and briefly considered staying there. The deck felt cool against her throbbing neck, and she remembered why she fell out.

"A-Ami-chan, are you crying? And why were your tears boiling?"

Makoto didn't know what to think.

She was stranded- not really, she could get out of here any time she wanted, if she wanted to throw three years' of being friends with Ami out the door- in a small cabin room with her one true crush over all her other friends, and outside the sea seemed to want to choose now to remember them it was not as safe as the pleasure craft promised it to be.

Getting gingerly to her feet, she noticed the boat seemed to be rocking more than it usually was a moment ago. She didn't have time to contemplate that thought when suddenly, a loud, "Ooooh, GOD, USA!" was screamed and the ceiling collapsed above them on top of them.

Makoto thanked all her years of backhanded karate training and meditating in the mountains, because she only just tackled Ami out of the way of a burning piece of ceiling.

"REI-CHAN? USAGI-CHAN?"

They landed haphazardly on the other side of the cabin, jarring themselves near the wooden cracks. Makoto made so her body shielded Ami from most of the impact, but she heard the pained grunt coming from the girl genius.

Their floor was covered with their ceiling, and Makoto couldn't help but screech in shock when she spotted the wood burning like some kind of fire lizard had ate a bag of fire-y hot nachos and chased it down with a couple hot peppers.

Rei and Usagi lay on top of each other, if that was possible, and they were naked.

Something was wierd about it, though.

Instead of being a blushing bundle of wierd like she'd thought they'd be, the two seemed to be wrestling, shouting obscene words at each other and practically tearing into each others' hair.

"BREAK IT UP, WHAT'S GOING O-on. . .?"

All four senshi looked at the rectangle of shining light and gulped. Framed, stood Minako Aino, posing her 'fight-for-justice' pose and glaring curiously at them.

"Do I wanna know?"

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Okay, you two. Just WHAT was going on?"

"SHE STARTED IT!"

*tongue-fight*

"TELL US NOW OR WE'LL CHAIN AND WHIP YOU WITH LIGHTNING AND BUBBLES!"

"*whimper* Yes, Ma'am."

Makoto stared curiously at the two that had fallen from their ceiling and waited for their response. Rei and Usagi were red and shifting nervously, covered by some extra clothing that Minako had lent them.

After she had broken the two bickering females up, they'd instantly shut their traps and had demanded with sign language they not tell anyone why they'd made such a mess.

Like Minako and Ami were going to let them off that easy.

Okay, she admitted it.

She was curious, too.

"Well, Usagi?"

"N-No! Have Rei-chan tell you, I don't want to! I-I don't HAVE to, I've got and will pull rank!"

Makoto sighed.

The pouty blonde had a point there. But then. . .

"Usagi-chan, I SWEAR I don't care if you have rank or not, I WILL get you after this, and I'll personally see to it you won't come to Makoto-chan's house whenever she bakes cookies! I'll tie you up like a small cow, you beast!"

"B-But Rei-chan. .!"

"TELL THEM!"

Makoto felt her eyebrows raising with every threat Rei spoke, and she soon found herself blushing, heaven knows why. Certainly she'd heard innuendos threatened way better, but it seemed the miko had some magic up her sleeve.

"O-Okay, Rei-chan. Well, guys, um. . ."

And so the story began.

_We were watching Makoto-chan and Ami-chan through the crack in our floor. _

_They were getting all cuddly and thought they were drunk, and then Makoto-chan takes Mr. Pie away from Ami-chan! We thought Ami-chan would wake up and shoot off all her bubbles, so we stripped and got ready to take a shower. _

_Instead, we were kinda drunk and looked at each other, and I guess that's when- that's when. . . I-I thought Rei-chan was really beautiful, so I kinda. . . jumped her. A-And she steamed up, almost like a crawdad, heh, but then we started a fire- she did!- and the floor was bouncing all around. . ._

_And we fell through._

_THAT'S how we got down here, REI-chan! NOW, can I go to Makoto-chan's and eat cookies, huh? I'll be good, I PROMISE! I told them, I-_

"Shut it! You're finished with what we did, so YES you can go and eat cookies!"

Makoto blinked as Rei grew redder and redder and tackled their Princess to the floor, wrestling around and punching a hole through the thick wood.

Wow.

"Hey, wait, guys, do we want to pay the captain for all this damage, or get some sleep for tomorrow?"

"*giggle* Oh, that won't be necessary, Mako-chan, don't'cha 'member, Setsuna's the driver and this is a PRIVATE boat."

Makoto gaped.

She was drunker than she thought she was.

oooooooooooooooooooooo

A/N: . . Nyeh, I was kind of edgy for a bit and typed this up for a quick no-plot story. ^^ Just getting some extra ideas out that's clogging out my brain. . Ja! ((Oh, this isn't going to continue. (((...))) Maybe.))


End file.
